Friday, January 11, 2013

Buckshot is Gone

I don’t know how to write this. I am in shock and grief. My beloved, sweet Buckshot died yesterday. It was colic, severe colic and there was nothing that could be done. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe he is gone. I am shattered, stunned, crying, sobbing off and on. I hardly can move my fingers to type.

It came on quick, as you probably know colic does. Wednesday night he had a tummy ache, and the BO gave him banamine. By Thursday it was severe, the vet called and determined how very severe it was and on Thursday he was euthanized. I was there and got to hug him and say goodbye to him and cry on his neck. He was buried in his pasture, by the persimmon tree.

I can’t bear right now to go over the timeline or the details, as they are too fresh and raw. I am filled with a huge deep chasm of pain and sorrow over my sweet Buckshot. He was the most wonderful, patient, kind horse and the very best horse for me. I had him for just over 5 years. I loved him so very much, always saying to myself he is the light of my life. I adored him. I know he was old, at least or around 25 years old, but I wanted another 10 years with him, at least. And the suddenness of it is hard to bear. Riding him just last Sunday, and four days later he is gone. My tears are starting again. My heart, so filled with love for this most wonderful horse, is breaking apart with losing him. I will miss him and his dear personality so much. I’ll share more thoughts and memories later.


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry - there are no words to suffice. He was a wonderful horse. I lost my old Noble at age 30 several years ago, and know a bit how it can be. Remember the good times, and hold tight to them, and know that you were there for him in good times and bad.

Grey Horse Matters said...

Oh Jan, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry to hear about Buckshot. I know he was the light of your life and how much you loved him and he loved you. You made his last five years the best of his life. It's so hard to lose the ones we love.

I know how you feel. I lost my Erik to colic a few years ago and was devastated. One minute he was there and then the next gone. I never got to say goodbye to him because I was away on a trip. I still feel guilty about that.

It's so nice he was able to be buried under his favorite persimmon tree. The grief will be overwhelming right now but in time the happy memories you shared will make you remember him with a smile.

Grey Horse Matters said...

Here is a poem that I've always liked. I hope it helps:

Where to Bury a Horse

If you bury him in this spot,
the secret of which you must
already have,
he will come to you when you call;
come to you over the far, dim pastures of death.

And though you ride other living horses through life,
they shall not shy at him, nor resent his coming,
For he is yours, and he belongs there.

People may scoff at you, who see no lightest blade of grass
bent by his footfall,
who hear no nicker pitched too fine for insensitive ears.
People who may never really love a horse.

Smile at them then, for you shall know something
that is hidden from them
and which is well worth the knowing
The one place to bury a horse is in the heart of his master.

And this quote is so true:

Nothing is more sacred as the bond between horse and other creature can ever become so emotionally close to a human as a horse. When a horse dies, the memory lives on because an enormous part of his owner's heart, soul, very existence dies also...but that can never be laid to rest, it is not meant to be...
- Stephanie M Thorn

Unknown said...

I am so incredibly sorry! That is truly the most lonely feeling in the whole world.

Mrs. Mom said...

So Sorry to read this. You'll be in our thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

After grieving my beloved cat for several months I located an experienced animal communicator in my area to contact her. The resulting conversation was so beneficial to my state of mind that I wondered why I waited so long. When you are ready, I would greatly suggest you do the same, it has been literally a life-changing experience for me. I grew up on ponies and horses here in MN, will be going back to riding in the Spring on my sister's farm. Our lives are so much better with our wonderful animals in them. Just know that Buckskin is doing fine where he is now and that it was just his time to move on. He will remain with you in spirit and your bond will always be there. ~ Suzann

AmberRose- Girl With a Dream said...

I am soo soo sorry to hear, this it was so unexpected, reaelly sorry, if you need a chat you have my email address and feel free to send me a message, even if it's just for someone to listen, i'll be more than happy to. Wish I could change how things happened for you. Hold on to the good memories and the lobely times you guys have had, they're something no one can ever take away from you. xxx

Wolfie said...

I am so so sorry to read this. Words seem so inadequate at a time like this. My thoughts are with you.

Dom said...

O no :( How tragic and unexpected. I'm sure you must be reeling. I am so, so sorry :(

Jan said...

Thank you all for your kind comments - it helps me so much to feel your support! Arlene, thank you for the beautiful poem and quote - they are so touching and helpful. And I am so sorry about your losing Erik similarly- it is so tragically quick, it is unbelievable.

I went to the barn today, and mostly cried as I walked where Buckshot had been so recently, and saw his grave. And I never thought I'd ever say those words "saw his grave." I am thinking about my memories of him, and cherishing them. In time, they will help the Buckshot-shaped ache in my heart.

And your care, all of the kind readers of my blog, means so very, very much to me as well. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. I understand your pain. I don't think it matters how old they are, we always want more time with them.

strivingforsavvy said...

I am so sorry to hear of Buckshot's passing. They leave a huge hole in our hearts, but try to remember the good times you had.

juliette said...

Dear Jan,
I am so terribly sorry. Very upset here - oh, why didn't I see this before? It would not have helped or matter if I words can ever convey my pain. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and Buckshot now.
I am so happy you were with him till the end and did ride him so recently and buried him under the Persimmon Tree.
Take care, Jan. Take time to heal. Buckshot was a one in a million horse and he will live on in all our memories.